Dispatch from Albania # 17 Dec. 12, 1999

From: Cdcphotog@aol.com
Subject: Dispatch #17, re Albania fr Rome
To: undisclosed-recipients:

Dispatch #17 Sunday, December something, 1999 (from Rome)

ROBIN & I THINK, WELL, MAYBE ROBIN IS NOT AS CONVINCED AS I (AND THIS IS AFTER A FEW GLASSES OF GRAPE JUICE), THAT ROSS PEROT SHOULD ADOPT ALBANIA.

He can become its president (sure beats President Zog), pour in money, ideas, charts. He could prove how smart & savvy he is by smashing the Mafia flat. He could hire more policemen to prevent stolen Mercedes coming in from Italy.

He could hire Boyd and his Aussie friends to be his bodyguards. His power & money could build a new infrastructure, make new roads, and get rid of the damn potholes.

He could get this country computerized, for goodness sakes! He would start with improving electricity distribution and phone lines, then bring over part of his former company EDS.

He could establish some banks that will give loans to people so that they can rebuild their homes and have spare rooms available when future refugees return to Albania.

He could go on all the talk shows and promote Albania, making people aware of this small poor country and encouraging them not to belittle or make fun of it any more.

He could have an Eight Year Plan aimed at tourism: hire a great PR firm to blitz the world with announcements, TV ads, pictures of this small country’s successes, assets and natural environment. That means an awful lot of garbage and rocks are going to have to be destroyed. (So now we have an environmental problem, but perhaps Ralph Nader or Robin could help out here.)

While promoting tourism, he could start a railroad like EuroRail called BalkanRail (motto: Stop walking and balking, ride Balkan) This would raise the pride of the Albanians and they might want to become worldwide citizens instead of being so isolated. After getting rid of the garbage heaps throughout the country, he could establish veterinarian clinics & adoption agencies for all the homeless dogs and cats.

I’m sure that a man as sophisticated as Mr. Perot must enjoy good wine, olive oil (Peroti?), & tangerines. He could plant vineyards and orchards, found wineries & build olive oil presses.

He could push for other agricultural products such as figs, dates, and walnuts. With good wine and olive oil production, he could start a bottle factory (like Ernest Gallo did in Modesto, CA) using a natural resource of sand and trying to find more water

He could plant cork trees for the wine bottles (like Julio Gallo did in Sonoma, CA) instead of tobacco plants, thus limiting the production and consumption of tobacco and minimizing the number of Marlboro signs.

He could make a law that all street vendors had to have permits (for a small fee) and safe covers over their wares.

He would know exactly what to do with all the petroleum & cement, setting up refineries and factories.

He could help Albania’s floundering textile industry.

He could start major stores to sell marble, tile, bricks, concrete blocks, and linoleum.

He could exploit the clayey soil and encourage local artists to make & sell ceramics & pottery.

He could improve medical aid by recruiting doctors from SMU for a 3-yr period and promise them great golden parachutes after their term of service is over.

He could import nurses from all over the world to fan out into the villages to give inoculations and vaccinations. (Bill Gates has already given money to IRC to help in this area.)

He could improve the university and add a high-powered medical school partially funded with a loan from the World Bank.

His newly trained nurses and doctors would teach the moms to breast feed their babies, lowering the infant mortality rate, making them healthier, and eliminating baby diarrhea.

He could improve the water supply by just fixing it, and that would wipe out the high incidences of cholera, esp. in Elbesan

By getting rid of poverty and raising the hopes of all the people, there would be a decline in the rate of wife abuse, child abuse.

Capitalizing on the high literacy rate, he could found libraries like Mr. Carnegie.

Furthermore, he could cooperate with the United Nations & UNICEF, which would give him some attention on the international scene (just so he doesn’t treat them like he treated General Motors).

He could upgrade the cultural scene by bringing in popular figures for concerts such as Michael Jackson, Madonna, Mariah Carey.

He could forget any conspiracies against his daughter’s weddings, because I think the daughters are all married by now. Anyway, Boyd's buddies would take care of anyone who messed with President Perot.

The daughters might help him encourage this patriarchal society to give more power to women.

Perhaps he could get a Disneyland started, attracting parents & children from all over Eastern Europe.

He could continue his Southern Baptist beliefs because Albania embraces several religions, including Moslems, Catholics, Evangelicals, and a few Mormons.

He would fit in because the average man is 5 ft. 6 inches tall.

When he gets homesick, he could fly back home to Texas, because Tirana, the capital city of Albania, has an airport such as it is only 30 miles away.

Actually, he could rebuild the airport just like his son did with the Dallas-Ft. Worth Airport.

His wife could go to the beauty shop and get a real bargain DO for $5.00 plus tip. I’m not sure what he’d do about the language here and his Texas accent. That might be a problem.

But I am convinced Ross Perot could fix this country!

[HEY, JIM G: WOULD YOU PLS PRESENT THIS IDEA TO YOUR OLD TEXARKANA HIGH SCHOOL CLASSMATE? AND BILL K: YOU COULD TALK TO MR. STOCKDALE TO SEE WHAT ROLE He’d LIKE TO PERFORM IN SAVING THIS LITTLE COUNTRY.]

Oops! Robin just reminded me that Mr. Perot would want to make some revenue of his own. That would be for him to figure out. An alternate motivation might be, after a suitable period, to rename the country: how about Peronia?



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